Yesterday’s day out to Tai O village and Big Buddha! I found it really hard and unfortunately did not enjoy it because of my body image and OCD about being clean. I was wearing a new pair of shorts which are a tighter fit than most of my shorts and I regretted wearing them the whole day. Lunch was also tough and I didn’t manage very well during and after which was embarrassing. The plus side was that we saw a pink dolphin! 🐬 I was very glad to get home and had a relaxing evening reading my book 📖 I’m very proud that I’ve read 3 books so far this summer! I’m usually not a very good reader.
I know you still struggle but I just wanted to let you know that I think you're so amazing and strong. You make me want to be healthy. You are so inspiring and absolutely gorgeous :) xx
Thank you! I’m glad that I’ve been able to help you in some way, it means a lot 😊
oh my goodness you are seriously the cutest & so so so beautiful. I hope you're doing well!
Awww thank you ☺️
In the last week I have been in a lapse, i’ve not been eating enough and skipping meals. I’ve decided that I don’t want to take steps backwards anymore because I only have one life and I can’t waste anymore of it. I’m completely ruining this summer for my family, especially my mum. So I am getting back on track today and I’m not looking back. I’m going to eat my full breakfast and I am not going to regret it because it is the right thing to do. Anorexia is bad not my mum, she will keep me safe and anorexia will not. Anorexia wants me to die and my mum wants me to live. I would also like to thank my best friend Lucy because my mum used you as a way to get through to me how important it is that I get back on track!
Doubt you’d be happy.
So, why are you afraid of change? ❞
― Karen Salmansohn (via psych-quotes)
Afternoon by the pool ☀️
My cousins arrived late last night and so they just wanted a relaxing day. Breakfast this morning was hard because I felt like I was going to be eating a lot more than everyone else. My mum woke me up first to make sure that I was sorted before everyone came down but I found that very hard because I couldn’t compare my breakfast to everyone else’s, which I know is wrong. Anyway, I had it in the end!
I felt so big in a bikini and in every photo I judged my body so much 😔 I still managed to smile and forget about my worries for a short while though, which was nice.
When we got home my sister came up to me and just gave me a big hug, she said that she was in a ‘cuddly’ mood 🙈 Maybe it didn’t mean much to her but it did to me.
I’ve now just video chatted my best friend Lucy and it’s put me in such a good mood. I hadn’t heard her voice in such a long time 😭 I LOVE YOU LUCY 💜
You are such an inspiration. I really really admire your strong spirit and determination to overcome any difficulties that come your way. You have a fantastic attitude for recovery and are so so loved. You are the definition of warrior :)
Thank you lovely 💕
Things have been going ‘okay’. My mood hadn’t been great but I’m trying my best because my family deserves a good summer.
This morning I was looking through my dad’s scrap file and I found all the letters I sent him while I was inpatient along with cinema tickets from movies that we’ve been to together and some of my old school work that he liked. I was so touched that he’s kept it all! It was also really interesting reading the letters that I had sent him last year. In one of them I was talking about hopefully getting off 2:1 transfers and getting my ng tube out. It made me realise how far I’ve come in a year even if I feel a bit down now.
🚫TW- I’ve had one especially hard day so far this summer which marked 1 year since I tried to take my life. I had some awful thoughts and I was terrified but my mum realised why I’d find that day hard and we kept busy and had a family trip to Madame Tussaud’s! I have to admit that since becoming a healthy weight again I have been struggling to eat ‘high’ calorie foods, but i’m much better at doing this than before I had done minnie maud. I’ve had a few questions about minnie maud actually so I’ll explain now. Two of the reasons I stopped mm was because my mum found it too hard getting me to eat minimums and I was not copping with eating 3000 calories without over-exercising to compensate.🚫 Minnie maud helped me a lot too though. I ate so many foods and did so many things that I never thought I’d be able to do again, it also gradually brought me back up to a healthy weight. I in no way whatsoever regret doing it because it really helped me with my thoughts around food. If you’re thinking about taking the leap and doing minnie maud, do it!
My cousins are arriving in Hong Kong tonight which will make things harder and more stressful but I’ll have to make it work!
Omg you look stunning now!!! Keep up the good work:)
Thank you 💗
Mark Houlahan (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)
Just a reminder that less does not equal healthy.
The low-calorie option is not necessarily the healthiest. Your body needs calories. Calories give us life. Calories are not bad.